His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
