I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
