I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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