i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is my gift to your gina
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
