My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
