I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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