it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
