The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
