Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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