get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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