Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
