Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
