I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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