Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
