ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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