Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
