I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
