I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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