My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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