apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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