I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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