Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
