I'm laying in your front yard are you home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
