If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
