just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
