just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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