I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
