I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
