I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
