sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
