I'm laying in your front yard are you home
someone owes me an orgasm
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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