nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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