Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
