Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
