Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
