How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
