I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
