it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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