Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
