A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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