well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
