you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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