Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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