I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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