Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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