people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
