I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
