is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
