You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
