Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
