after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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