You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
