she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize