I think my fart just growled at me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
