He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
