we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
