You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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