Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
