I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you had me at cake vodka
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
