I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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