And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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