there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
