Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
