I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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