She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
