What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
