The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
