We're facebook friends in real life
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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