There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
