I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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