All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
