I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
