just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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