I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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