if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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