I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
youre lurking in front of me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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