; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
