Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
